103 Best Sickness And Flu Puns And Jokes!

Looking for the best flu puns and jokes! You’ve come to the right place. These will have you laughing until you’re sick!

Flu season is upon us! Isn’t getting the flu the worst?! I hate being sick. I hate it! The bad thing about being a stay at home mom and being sick, is I still need to take care of my children even when I don’t feel well.

Maybe these puns and jokes can give you a good laugh even when you feel so sick. If only I’d had a list like this when I was getting my flu vaccine or covid vaccine! I know the nurse wouldn’t loved them.

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So next time you’re at the doctor’s office or receiving medical attention, just say one of these jokes and it will be the best thing! As long as your doctor has a sense of humor and doesn’t die laughing. I’m pretty sure by saying one of these jokes, you’ll feel little pain too!

A closeup of a woman blowing her nose with a tear running down her cheek

Table of Contents

Flu Puns And Jokes

I have a joke about the flu….but I hope you don’t get it.
What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu? For bird flu you need tweetment, and for swine flu you need oinkment.
Everyone is posting photos of people from the 1910’s wearing masks to protect themselves from the Spanish flu to try to convince people to wear masks now. But it’s dumb. If masks work, then all those people wouldn’t be dead.
My buddy and I both have the flu. I invited him over for Netlix and chills.
They’re vaccinating against bird flu again. Call it a rooster shot.
Scientists have confirmed a new strain of bird flu going around. It’s transmitted from crows and ravens to people. They’ve named it Corvid-19.
Did you know that during child birth there is a point where the lady experiences such excruciating pain that for a moment she almost know how bad it is to be a man who has the flu.
What happened when the flu joined instagram? She because an influenza!
If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine flu from tins of ham, then delete it. It’s spam.
I went to dance class with the flu….it was sick!
The patient tells his doctor he thinks he contracted Swine Flu and Avian Flu at the same time. The doctor tells him “I’ll believe that when pigs fly.”
Bird flu. Bird landed.
What do you call someone doing yoga with the flu? Sick and twisted.
Where is the flu most common? In cities with high levels of congestion!!
You should get your flu vaccination. It’s worth a shot.
It’s the cold and flu time of year. Or as I like to call it, Vitamin C-son.
Did you hear bout the new strain of bird flu? Chirpees…a canaries disease…un-tweetable.
2019 wasn’t a good year for me. I was ill for over half of it. I was ill for a full sicks months.
Did you hear that the pope got the bird flu? Apparently he got it from a cardinal.
Smallpox, the Spanish Flu, and the Black Death have already done the whole global pandemic thing….What covid is doing is just plaguerism.
Went to my the doctor’s office to see my dear doctor and get my flu shot. He promised it wouldn’t hurt… Insensitive man.
This time of year, everyone should know the symptoms of the Amish flu. First you get a little horse, then a little buggy.
I always get sick when my cousin Enza comes to visit. Last week, in flew Enza, and wouldn’t you know, now I’m sick.
What’s the difference between flying pigs and honest politicians? There actually was a time when Swine Flu.
I’m sick of martial arts. I have kung flu.
Covid 19 is just like the flu, don’t believe in all social media that are fear mongering. Spread the word and be positive.
More bad news- there’s a new avian influenza. Called Cherpes. It’s a canaries disease. It’s untweetable.
The trees in The Lord Of The Rings were well versed in diseases. You might even call them flu-ent.
I wish I could cure a global pandemic. But that’s outside my sphere of influenza.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu? Flu-fighters.
A lot of people talk about when pigs fly, but swine flu.
Did you hear about the gingerbread man flu strain? Don’t worry, you won’t catch it.
As a doctor, I feel uncomfortable making jokes about people who refuse to take flu vaccines. But let me give it a shot.
Why don’t ant colonies ever get sick? Because they’re full of anty bodes.
Why do I always feel great on Saturdays and Sundays, and sick on the rest of the days? Maybe I just have a weekend immune system.
What do you call an Indian doctor who like telling dad jokes and give flu shots? Pun-Jabby.
They ran out crying ‘Bird Flu‘! I looked up and couldn’t see any. I’m sure they were lying.
New facial hairstyle in China…Flu Manchu.
Wuhan Flu was renamed Covid 19 but I think Wuhan Flu is a more appropriate name…It’s more catchy.
Why did the redneck get colored pencils before he got his flu shot? He heard that vaccines can make you artistic.
What do you give a porcupine when he has a bad flu? NyQuill.
Why did the pilot get sick? Because he flu.
What do you call an astronomer with the stomach flu? A gastrophysicist.
I might have gotten the flu in China. Well, WHO cares?
What do you call a person who spreads the flu? An influenzer.
Over 99.99% of people that took the Spanish Flu have passed away. This seems very suspicious to me!
What do you get when you cross the flu with footwear? Aaaaaa shoe!
Why didn’t the sick person get the joke? Because it flu over his head.
What is the most Shakespearean way to eliminate bird flu? Murder most fowl..
What do you call a bald eagle with the flu that migrates from Mexico to the US? An ill eagle immigrant.
I caught bird flu while waiting for a flight at the airport. I have since found out it is a terminal illness.
What is the best way to avoid Asian flu? Have a Phu shot.
How does a dart board on the ceiling make you sick? It causes you to throw up.
Where is the flu bug most common? In cities with high levels of congestion!
What kind of flu do Chinese people have? Kung flu.
Why did the redneck get colored pencils before he got his flu shot? He heard that vaccines can make you artistic.
Just found out I have a cold and the stomach flu. I’ve got the Friday Night Blights.
If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine flu from tins of ham then delete it. It’s spam.
The bird flu is pretty nasty. Luckily, it’s tweet able.
How did John Philpot Curran smuggle a virus last time? He flu.
What’s the first sign that you have caught bird flu? Fowl symptoms.
Anti-vaxxers and Vaxxers will get this. The flu.
Did you hear about the aspiring YouTube star that died from the flu? He finally went viral.
My doctor told me I had the airport flu. He says it’s terminal.
I slept with my best friend’s wife and now I feel awful. She must have given me the flu or something.
My American friend had her flu shot. I just use antibiotics. In Europe, we don’t need guns for everything.
I had the swine flu but they cured me…Now I have bacon flu.
Shakespeare goes into a clinic with a fever and asks Flu B or not Flu B?
First rule of Corona Flu self-isolation: If you can’t reach it form the couch, you don’t need it.
My friend came down with the great flu…Then started singing 80’s bangers. We think he may have the My Sharona Virus.
What strain of flu is most Canadian? Influenza eh!
“Doctor, Doctor, I think I’ve got the swine flu.” “Here’s an oinkment to make it better.”
When my mother died all my father said was, “Cough, fatigue, fever.” He was a man of flu words.
The plague, the flu virus, corona virus, strains of influenza, and the common cold walked into the room. I asked, “What is this? Some kind of sick joke?”
I became ill after taking self-defense classes…I think I caught Kung Flu fighting.
I have a joke about the flu, but I hope you don’t get it.
The flu is kinda like my last girlfriend. Lasted for 2 weeks and got it from my best friend.

A closeup of a thermometer with a woman lying in bed in the background.

Sickness Puns

I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.
How can you tell if a mummy has a cold? He starts coffin.
The most common operation in a hospital made out of LEGOS is plastic surgery!
The bacteria posted a video online wanting it to go viral.
The medical student failed anatomy because she just couldn’t cut it.
I thought I had a good joke about a contagious disease, but I was wrong. It didn’t go viral.
How did the bread feel when it was put in the toaster? It burned up!
I tried playing hide and see in the hospital, but they kept finding me in the ICU.
Did you hear about the illness that made all of the teachers sick? It was a staff-infection.
The cookie went to the hospital because it was feeling crummy!
The sick pig went to the hospital in a ham-bulance!
I woke up this morning coughing a lot. I think I might have pheumonolucavatophamosixulousness, but it’s hard to say.
How can you tell when a bucket is sick? When it’s a little pail.
I went on a date with a Cardio Nurse and my heart was racing the entire time!
What do you give a sick lemon? Lemon-aide
The computer sneezed because it had a virus.
I got my girlfriend a “Get better soon” card. She isn’t sick. I just think she can get better.
What body of water will make you sick? The hepatitis-sea.
Where do horses go when they get sick? The horsepital.
I cannot believe that bacteria would just come into my body without my permission. It makes me sick!
The beekeeper went to the doctor because she had hives.
Where does a boat go when it’s sick? The dock.
I had a gut feeling I had food poisoning.
Where do sick fish go? To the sturgeon.
Never lie to an X-ray technician. They can see right through you.
Let’s take the bird to the hospital for some tweetment!

A little girl in sitting on a couch wrapped in a blanket is blowing her nose.

Write Your Own Puns

Trying to write your own puns? All you need to do is say a flu word like flu, cough, cold, or sick over and over a few times. Listen and try to think of other words they sound like.

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Now, you can write a pun like, “I want to go, flu!” Have fun writing amazing flu puns!

The Bottom Line

These puns and jokes should make having the flu a little bit better. I won’t say it will be a wonderful experience though. But hopefully you don’t have to call disease control!

Have a great time laughing at these jokes and feel better!