1,250 Best Pet And Dog Puns That Will Make You Howl

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Looking for the ultimate list of pet puns? Look no further. These pet and dog puns will have you laughing fur hours on all fours!

If you’re looking for pawful pet puns, then you’ve come to the wrong place. If you’re looking for pawsome pet puns, then you’ve come to the right place!

Next time you’re at the pet store surrounded by pet lovers, just say a few of these puns and you’re sure to get a laugh! Whether you a pet owner or not, you’re guaranteed to love these animal jokes!

DOGS

Dog Puns

1. I’m all about that pug life.
2. Ruff day.
3. Bone Appetit!
4. Dog-gone it.
5. One sick puppy.
6. You’re barking up the wrong tree.
7. Quit hounding me!
8. Howl you doing’?
9. I woof you!
10. Do you have any pupcorn or pup-peroni pizza?
11. I’m having a ruff day.
12. Don’t terrier self up about it.
13. Having a ball!
14. Fur-iends through thick and thin.
15. You’re remarkable!
16. We have the ultimate-mutt friendship.
17. I love you furry much!
18. Paws-itively!
19. Happy Howlidays!
20. The Labrador took paws-cession of the soccer ball.
21. There’s sure to be a pawsitive outcome!
22. I like big mutts and I cannot lie!
23. It’s paw-ssible!
24. Raise the ruff-this purity is off the leash!
25. He’s barking up the wrong tree!
26. How a-dog-able!
27. You’re pawtastic!
28. I always make time to paw-oder the meaning of life.
29. Whatevfur!
30. It’s impossible to say no to cute pets.
31. Yesterday was just paw-jul!
32. Stay pawsitive!
33. My dog’s favorite story is about Noah’s Bark!
34. P’awww!
35. We had to ask the Bark Ranger for directions.
36. Oh, paw-lease.
37. Barking it from the wooftops.
38. In this race, the Weiner takes it all!
39. Paw yeah!
40. Paw-dont me, I didn’t mean to inter-ruff you!
41. Making it barkworthy!
42. That outfit is fur-bulous!
43. Friends fur-ever.
44. After it rained, all the paddle-bugs came out!
45. Quit making me the mutt of the joke!
46. Fur sure!
47. A dog is a woman’s best fur-riend.
48. Luke, I am your paw-ther!
49. That’s furry much!
50. Tonight we’re going to watch The God-paw-ther.
51. My other car is a Furr-ari!
52. Trust me, I’m a dog-tor.
53. Anything is paw-sidle.
54. Has your dog paid his annual fleas?
55. That’s pawsome!
56. Let’s give everyone a big round of ap-paws!
57. This is my furr-st marathon!
58. Pardon the interrufftion! Your pup might have something important to say, even when he seems barking mad.
59. I am on the Puggle-bus today!
60. Em-barking on a new journey.
61. You’re looking quite fetching today!
62. Just another day at the paw-ffice.
63. Happy Paw-ther’s Day!
64. My dog asked for a corner paw-dice.
65. I called the dog-tor and the dog-tor said, “No more corgis jumping on the bed!”
66. Happy Bark-day!
67. That dog concert was paw-some!
68. I always take the path of leashed resistance.
69. Getting a new leash on life!
70. The only vacations I take are pup-cations!
71. Camping? Bring the “PUP” tent.
72. Bring the whole pack!
73. That dog has potential. He’s a diamond in the ruff.
74. That was a mastiff waste of time!
75. Let’s raise the woof!
76. You’re looking quite fetching today!
77. Where’s the paw-ty at?
78. That dog is so beautiful that she should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
79. Howl I ever live without you?
80. Just going through a rough pooch lately.
81. I’m mutts about you!
82. This too can be yours, for a small monthly Dalmation!
83. I love you, fur real.
84. Is it FriYAY yet? It’s been a ruff week.
85. Treat time? Who wants a pupsicle?
86. Trust me, I’m a dog-tor.
87. That dog sweater is a fashion furpaw.
88. Remember to put the car in bark.
89. He’s a diamond in the ruff.
90. Don’t worry, we can pooch up your cut in no time!
91. The fancy dog was quite pawsh.
92. I’ll collie you later.
93. That is mind-beagle-ing!
94. You ain’t nothin’ but a pound dog!
95. Please fur-give me.
96. This place seems so fur-miliar.
97. Is your pup your doggleganger?
98. I’m so fur-lunate to have you in my life.
99. The evil queen has ended her reign of terrier!
100. I spend all of my free time Labradoodling.
101. Thank your lucky paws!
102. Stand up for yourself! Don’t just roll over!
103. I don’t want to be late to the paw-ty!
104. My terrier’s favorite game is ulti-mutt frisbee.
105. Howl we ever make it on time?
106. Try to maintain some dog-nity!
107. That’s one sick puppy!
108. Don’t worry, I fur-give you.
109. That offense if un-fur-giveable!
110. You need a new leash on life.
111. Remain paws-itive!
112. You are paws-itively amazing!
113. Do you want to play Ulti-mutt Frisbee?
114. I’ve got an of-fur you can’t refuse!
115. I like big mutts and I cannot lie.
116. Don’t forget to put the car in bark!
117. I’m so paw-ssionate about dogs!
118. Quit hounding me!
119. Oh fur-get it!
120. Happy howl-idays, ya filthy animal!
121. Help! We need a pug-boat to tow us to shore!
122. I’m waiting for the results of my lab report.
123. Today has been a bit ruff!
124. I’m not fat, I’m just little husky!
125. Don’t stop retrievin’!
126. You better obey, or we’ll have to call the police paw-trol!
127. When she lost her bone, the retriever was barking mad!
128. You are paws-itively adorable!
129. Don’t bite the hound that feeds you.

Dog Breed Puns

1. The Dalmation was hiding because he didn’t want to be spotted.
2. I’m all about that pug life.
3. He’s Great Dane-gerous.
4. My dog’s not fat. He’s just a little husky.
5. The coach wants to put my dog in the baseball game because he always gets walked.
6. The picnic quickly turned into a Bark-B-Q.
7. Make sure you use Collie flour when baking for your dog.
8. The dog couldn’t find his car in the barking lot.
9. The dog barked all night without any paws.
10. He loved dogs so much he had a Rover-dose.
11. What did Darth Vader name his son? Luke Skybarker.
12. When my dog starts itching, it really ticks me off.
13. You have the core-key to my heart.
14. When a problem comes along, you must Whippet.
15. We have to throw out the mattress. We have bed-Pugs!
16. What dog does Dracula own? A blood-hound.
17. Yes, they Maltese-d his hair at the groomer’s.
18. In this race, the Weiner takes it all.
19. Make sure you use Collie flour when baking for your dog.
20. There mutt be a chance my dog isn’t a purebred.
21. The newest Avenger: Labro-thor.
22. Dachshunds always nap in the shade because they don’t like being hot dogs.
23. I’ll collie you later.
24. My favorite vegetable is collie-flour!
25. Great Dane lovers are sure obsessed with tall tails.
26. Retriever? I hardly know her.
27. We just got possession of a new dog.
28. He’s doing a thorough Lab report.
29. I nearly kicked my dog out. But we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
30. He’s Great Dane-gerous.
31. What do you call a dog magician? A Labracadabrador.
32. “You ain’t nothing but a pound dog.”
33. He’s not a bad dog. He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
34. My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
35. My dog hates when it rains because he doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
36. I call bull-Shih Tzu.
37. You won’t find what you need here. You’re barking up the wrong tree.
38. Things happen. No need to terrier-self up about it.
39. My dog never stands up for herself. She just rolls over.
40. The dog was so smart it majored in bark-eulogy.
41. Just need a cup of Earl Greyhound tea every day.
42. I’m all about the pug life.
43. Out hounds know that anything is paw-sidle if they use their noses.
44. We love to watch our dogs to the doggie paddle when they swim.
45. Our small Doxie’s bark sounds fur-odious.
46. What’s the best dog to take on a submarine? A subwoofer.

Dog Holiday Puns

1. Happy Howlidays!
2. Merry Christmutts!
3. Happy HOWL-o-ween!
4. May your Christmas be furry and bright.
5. Paws for the holidays.
6. Unleashing all kinds of joy this season!
7. Feliz Navi-dog.
8. We’re friends fur-ever!
9. I’m all about the pug life.
10. Dear Santa Paws, I have been a very good boy this year.
11. Howl I ever live without you?
12. You’re such a Mal-tease.
13. Let’s raise the woof!
14. The dog has been going through a rough pooch lately.
15. People who hate dogs are re-pug-nant.
16. You have the core-key to my heart.
17. Halloween? Who’s ready for bone-fide fun!
18. We’re thankful fur our friends.
19. Santa Paws is coming’ to town.
20. Deck the paws!
21. Oh Christmas treat! Oh Christmas treat!
22. Dachshund through the snow.
23. Merry Woofmas!
24. Santa’s little yelper.
25. Fleas Navidad!
26. Happy Paw-lidays!
27. Looking quite fetching this Christmas.
28. What’s an itchy dog’s favorite Christmas greeting? Fleas navidad.
29. Oh, Christmas fleas! Oh, Christmas fleas!

Dog Jokes

1. Where do dogs go after their tails fall off? The re-tail store.
2. What kind of construction are dogs best at? Roofing.
3. Who is the best dog detective? Sherlock Bones!
4. What’s a dog’s least favorite vegetables? Fleas and carrots.
5. Why did the dog eat the toast plain? He liked “pure bread”.
6. Why did the dog wear rain boots? He didn’t want to step in a poodle.
7. What do you call a funny canine? A corn dog.
8. Why did the dog hang out at the hospital? He was waiting for his lab report.
9. What’s a dog’s favorite Starbuck’s flavor? Pup-kin spice!
10. Why did the mice and squirrels stay inside? It was raining cats and dogs.
11. What’s a dog’s favorite treatment? Hair of the dog.
12. Who’s a dog’s favorite artist? Bjork.
13. Why did the dog get ejected from the game? He didn’t agree with the “ruff-eree”.
14. What’s a dog’s favorite city? Oxfurd.
15. He won’t bring the ball back. He says it’s too far-fetched.
16. What’s a dog’s favorite motto? Stay positive.
17. She’s the best branch manager. I’m going to promote her.
18. What’s a dog’s favorite film? Mission Impawssible.
19. Who’s a dog’s favorite actress? Sarah Jessica Barker.
20. He’s really hounding me for treats.
21. What’s your dog’s favorite Pink Floyd album? Bark Side of the Moon.
22. Who was the dog’t favorite artist? Andy Warhowl.
23. Yes, my dog’s in the car. I needed a new subwoofer.
24. The picnic quickly turned into a Bark-B-!.
25. The dog is so famous that the pup-arazzi was following him around all day.
26. It’s cold outside. He’s a chili dog.
27. Have you heard about the new dog movie? It’s called Jurassic Bark.
28. What does a dog like to eat for breakfast? Woofles.
29. What’s a dog’s favorite band? Lamb of Dog.
30. He has to constantly call her to check in. She has him on a short leash.
31. What’s a dog’s favorite takeaway dish? Tempawa Shrimp.
32. What’s a dog’s favorite song? Supermastiff Black Howl.
33. What did the motivational speaker tell his dog? Anything’s paws-sible!
34. What’s a dog’s favorite drink? A puppuccino.
35. What’s a dog’s favorite story? A fairy-tail.
36. I almost kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
37. What’s a dog’s favorite color? Indogo.
38. What’s a dog’s dream job? Branch manager.
39. Don’t drop snacks on the floor on game day-you don’t want to end up with a wide retriever!
40. What’s a dog’s favorite snack? Pupcorn.
41. What’s a dog’s favorite video game? Pawtal 2.
42. My dog loves poetry. Especially William Shakes-paw.
43. Mistakes happen. No need to terrier-self up about it.
44. What dog does Dracula own? A blood-hound.
45. I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leased I can do.
46. That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
47. Don’t stop retrieving. Hold on to that feline.
48. It’s raining cats and dogs. That’s fine, as long as it doesn’t reindeer.
49. That dog was so cold, he was a pup-sidle!
50. What kind of construction are dogs best at? Roofing.
51. The dog was so smart it majored in bark-eulogy.
52. What does a dog like to eat for breakfast? Woofles.
53. The dog barked all night without any paws.
54. What does the dog eat at the movies? Popcorn!
55. Dachshunds always nap in the shade because they don’t like being hot dogs.
56. The newest Avenger is a dog named is labor-thor.
57. Dogs are the most loyal creatures on earth– completely devoted to their dog-ma and paw.
58. Next time you take your dog out to the lake, bring a doggie paddle with you!

CATS

Cat Puns

1. Stay Pawsitive!
2. You’ve got to be kitten me.
3. Happy Purr-thday!
4. I’m just kitten around.
5. I think we should get meow-tried someday.
6. That’s just claw-ful.
7. You’re a fur-mixable opponent.
8. I’m so fur-tunate.
9. Let me tell you a tail.
10. That’s a paw-sibility.
11. My cat is my best fur-end.
12. That’s hiss-terical.
13. He’ll go down in hiss-tory.
14. You’ve got to be kitten me.
15. Paw-don me.
16. You look fur-miliar.
17. That’s paw-some.
18. I live for cats.
19. Don’t fur-get to buy more catnip.
20. I’ll love my cat fur-ever.
21. That was a catastrophe.
22. Keep up the meow-mentum.
23. Best fishes.
24. Stay paw-sitive!
25. You’re glamourpuss.
26. Don’t worry. Be tabby.
27. My cat is radioactive-claw.
28. Meow you doin’?
29. My cat has class-he went to kittygarten.
30. Dogs are in-furiour to cats.
31. I’m feline sad.
32. You’ve got purr-sodality.
33. I’ve got felines for you!
34. Look at that meowntain.
35. My cat is totally litter-ate.
36. I am fur-ever yours.
37. Whisker me away.
38. Things are going too fast, we need to put things on paws.
39. Remain paws-itive.
40. This is a-paw-ling.
41. Please be paw-lite and use your meow-ners.
42. I’m a glamourpuss.
43. You’re so purr-suasive.
44. My favorite color is purple.
45. Don’t be a sourpuss.
46. Furgive me if I like my cat too much!
47. Like my paw-jamas?
48. To know a cat is purr joy.
49. Better call in claw-enforcement.
50. This place seem so fur-miliar.
51. I’m craving a purr-ito.
52. These funny feline puns are not a-paw-ling!
53. Can’t don’t like online shopping, they purr-fur cat-alogues.
54. Check his vi-tail signs.
55. If you cat has smelly breath give them some mouse wash.
56. I have a cat with 8 legs. It’s called octo-puss.
57. An invisible cat’s favorite drink is evaporated milk.
58. My cat loves litter-ature.
59. Cats get so distracted by computers. They always have one eye on the mouse.
60. I’m friends with an alley cat. She loves to go bowling.
61. My cat is super athletic.
62. You kicked out the cat? That’s a bit radi-claw.
63. Those cats handed in an essay identical to mine. What a bunch of copycats!
64. Are you furr-real?
65. My cat went to nursing school. She wanted to be a first aid kit.
66. It’s a paw-ssibility my cat ate your tuna sandwich.
67. I caught my cat stealing food, what a paw-purr-trator.
68. I’m surprised my cat passed their exams, they did the paw-meowminum!
69. I can’t paw-form in these conditions!
70. I’m so sorry to hear about your cat. It’s call-ful.
71. My cat’s gone missing! Better class claw-enforcement.
72. You’re so purr-ty.
73. I’ll have a meow-tine.
74. I’m feline good.
75. You’ve got to be kitten me right meow.
76. I’m just kitten around.
77. I can tell you have a secret-it’s kitten all over your face!
78. It was meant to be-it was kitten in the stars.
79. As good as meow.
80. Stop kitten around!
81. All kitten aside, cat puns are the best puns.
82. Meowy Christmas!
83. You’re in-fur-rior to me.
84. That’s hiss-terical.
85. I’m feline good.
86. Cut the cattitude.
87. Paw-don my language.
88. You’re hilari-mouse!
89. That’s just claw-ful.
90. You’re a fur-midable opponent.
91. That’s a bit radi-claw.
92. Paw-don me.
93. That was a cat-astrophe.
94. Don’t be a sourpuss.
95. You’ve got to be kitten me.
96. I’m feline sad.
97. I’ve got my thinking cat on.
98. You’re freaking meow-t.
99. Cats are my pawsse.
100. I need to take a paws.
101. How claw-some is that?
102. Can I paw-lease have that?
103. I’ve got attitude.
104. Take meow for lunch.
105. I love my cat the meows.
106. Lookin’ good, feline good!
107. I’ve done that be-fur.
108. I’ve got a feline…that tonight’s going to be a good night.
109. My cat is super athletic.
110. I’m a totally cat purrson.
111. This is such a meow-gical moment.
112. Never, fur do that again.
113. It’s meow or never.
114. Press paws and live in the meow.
115. Any meow-nite.
116. Will you meow me?
117. How do you like me meow?
118. Meow-zel tov!
119. Now wait a meowment…
120. Meow are you doing?
121. I love you, meow and forever.
122. stop stressing meowt!
123. Meow you’re talking!
124. Enjoy every meowment.
125. Here and meow.
126. It’s meow or never.
127. Press paws and live in the meow.
128. Any meow-nite.
129. Will you meow me?
130. How do you like me meow?
131. Meow-zel tov!
132. Now wait a meowment…
133. Meow are you doing?
134. I love you, meow and forever.
135. Stop stressing meowt!
136. Whisker while you work.
137. Have a paw-some birthday!
138. Have a pawsitivitely purrfect birthday!
139. Happy purrrthday!
140. Have a cat-tactic birthday!
141. You’re how old?! You’ve got to be kitten me.
142. Another birthday?! Not pawsible!
143. Meow is the time to party!
144. Happy birthday to one cool cat.
145. Turn up the meows and let’s ge this party started!
146. Celebrating mew right meow!
147. Happy birthday to meow!
148. The Sound of Meowsic.
149. Climb every meow-tain.
150. The Great Catsby.
151. The rest is still un-kitten.
152. Downton Tabby.
153. Kitty Kitty Bang Bang.
154. Cat-atouille.
155. The Devil Wears Paw-da.
156. Claw-less.
157. Meow you’re talking!
158. Enjoy every meowment.
159. Here and meow.
160. Purr-haps we can cuddle later.
161. My cat is so purr-ty.
162. I love you purr-se.
163. My cat want a Furr-ari.
164. I’ve got my thinking cat on.
165. Wait a meow-ment.
166. I’m litter-ly in love with you.
167. You’ve got purr-sonality.
168. I think we should get meow-tried someday.
169. I’m so fur-tunate.
170. Whisker me away.
171. You’re my best fur-end.
172. You’re purrfect just the way you are.
173. I love you, meow and furever.
174. You’re so purr-suasive.
175. Wait a meow-ment.
176. You’re paw-sitively blushing.
177. So fur, so good!
178. Meow you doin?
179. You are hiss-terical!
180. I would love to kiss you, you have a beautiful mouse.
181. I’ll have a meow-tini.
182. Girl, you’re looking fe-line!
183. You look fur-miliar.
184. Live long and pawsper.
185. You’re so purr-ty.
186. Can we press paws on this relationship?
187. I love your purr-se.
188. I’ve got my thinking cat on.
189. You’ve got to be kitten me!
190. Wait a meow-ment.
191. Cat got your tongue?
192. Is your feline friend having a catastrophe?
193. Are you hiss-terical over your cat’s shenanigans?
194. Our cat has a crazy purrsonality.
195. Incatceivable!
196. We adopted our cat, not sure his hiss-tory.
197. Watch that attitude!
198. Some felines have a cat-titude.
199. We love to wear our paw-jamas with our cats at night.
200. How purr-suasive is your cat?
201. What a cat-astrophe!
202. Our fave story is Great Catsby and Shakespurr.
203. We are not kitten around about the above novels!
204. Do you believe in Santa Claws? She’s awful purr-ty.
205. I couldn’t have been a cat-tender! I could have been somepawdy!
206. Cats are litter-ally the best animal on the planet.
207. Livin’ in a gansta’s purr-adise.
208. Do you have a self paw-trait of your cat hanging on the wall?
209. Everything but the kitten sink!
210. The paw-lease showed up at our house, thanks to our cat claw enforcement solved the crime.
211. We were positively blown away when we found out our cat’s favorite color…purr-ple.
212. Some cats are purr-rect! Purr-haps all cats are perfect felines!
213. We went to the store but fur-got to purrchase a new toy.
214. When your kitty lyes on your laptop, she’s just trying to turn you into a purrcrastinator.
215. You have cat to be kitten me right meow.

Cat Jokes

1. What’s a cat’s favorite cereal? Mice Krispies.
2. What is every cat’s favorite book? The Great Catsby.
3. Why did the cats ask for a piano? They wanted to make meowsic.
4. What is a cat’s favorite historical site? The Egyptian purramids.
5. What do you call a cat teacher? A purrfessor.
6. Which day of the week do cats love the most? Caturday.
7. What’s a cat’s favorite TV show? Claw and Order.
8. What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
9. What is a cat’s favorite discount? Buy one, get one furry.
10. Why are cats so good at video games? Because they have 9 lives, of course!
11. What do you call it when you’re herding cats? A cat’l drive.
12. What is a cat’s favorite color? Purrple.
13. Why did the dog let the cat sleep in his dog bed? The cat had a claws in his contract.
14. What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Mice-cream cone.
15. What is a cat’s second favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse.
16. How many cats does it take to screw in a light bulb? Please! They have people for that.
17. Why can’t you play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
18. Where to cats go when they die? Purrgatory.
19. What is cat’s favorite day of the week? Cat-urday.
20. What is a cat’s best subject at school? Hissstory.
21. Why are cats afraid of trees? Because of their bark!
22. What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
23. What do you call a cat in a suit of armor? A knight prowler.
24. What’s the Cheshire Cat’s favorite drink? Evaporated milk.
25. What do you call a fluffy male cat asleep on the sofa? Himalayan.
26. What do you call a cat that plays the piano? A meowsician.
27. Why couldn’t the kitty see well? He had cataracts.
28. What is a cat’s favorite game? Mouse Trap.
29. What did the cat say after making a joke? “Just kitten!”
30. Why wasn’t the cat punished for teasing the dog? He was just kitten around.
31. Someone made a joke about my three-legged cat. Huge faux paw.
32. What caused the cat to fall from the tree? A cataclysmic event.
33. What’s a cat’s favorite kind of sports car? A Furrari.
34. How did the engineers determine the dog was in a cat fight? Simple claws and effect analysis.
35. What word do millennial cats overuse? Litter-ally.
36. What do Christmas and desert cats have in common? Sandy claws.
37. Why do cats prefer wizards to witches? Sorcerers sometimes have milk in them.
38. What do cats like to draw? Self paw-traits.
39. How did the lazy kittens do on their school project? The bare meownimum.
40. What is every kitten’s favorite movie? The Little Purrmaid.
41. Why do cats have minty breath? They use mousewash.
42. How do cats resolve an argument? They hiss and make up.
43. Why do you have to watch out when it’s raining cats and dogs? You might step in a Poodle!
44. Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering.
45. What’s smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee.
46. What do you call a cat that loves bowling? An alley cat.
47. What’s the best medicine for cat allergies? An anti-hisstamine.
48. Why don’t cats like online shopping? The prefer cat-alogues.
49. What do you call a cat that gets caught by the police? A purrpatrator.
50. Why are cats bad storytellers? They only have one tail!
51. Why didn’t the cat want to cross the road? Because it was a scaredy cat.
52. If a cat loses its tail, where does it go? The re-tail store.
53. Why do cats hate shopping online? They prefer browsing through catalogues.
54. Why do cats like to lie on computers? To keep an eye on the mouse.
55. What’s the unluckiest kind of cat to have? A catastrophe!
56. Knock, knock-who’s there?-Kitten-Kitten, who?- Quit kitten around and open the door.

Cat Food Puns

1. Baked purrrtato
2. Cappurrcino
3. Avocatto
4. Meowtini
5. Pawsta
6. Focattia
7. Hampurrger
8. Purrito
9. Catpuccino
10. Tempurra
11. Marsh-meow-low
12. Pawpcorn
13. Biscatti
14. Purrseco
15. Water-meow-on

Cat Pun Names

These are the best cat names!

1. Cat Benatar
2. Billy Bobtail Thornton
3. Clawdia Sniffer
4. Catniss
5. Bing Clawsby
6. Cleo-cat-ra
7. Catpernicus
8. Butch Catsidy
9. Darth Meowl
10. Catzilla
11. David Meowie
12. Cindy Clawford
13. Draco Meowfoy
14. Bohemian Cat-sody
15. Catalie Portman
16. Cat-anova
17. Don Kitty-ote
18. Cleocatra
19. Catnip Everdeen
20. F. Scott Fitzferal
21. Harry Pawter
22. Ferris Meowller
23. Catticus Finch
24. Fidel Catstro
25. Furgie
26. Kitty Purry
27. Harry Paw-ter
28. Leonardo DiCatrio
29. Catperniucus
30. Meowly Cyrus
31. Cat Damon
32. Notorious C.A.T.
33. Catman
34. JK Meowling
35. Paw McCartney
36. Kitty Purry
37. Catthew McConaughey
38. Luke Skywhisker
39. Santa Claws
40. Meowbacca
41. Sir Isaac Meowton
42. Meowby Dick
43. Sir Catrick Stewart
44. Meowly Cyrus
45. William Shakespaw
46. Pawcahontas
47. Santa Claws or Santa Paws
48. Nathaniel Pawthorne
49. Paw Revere
50. Cindy Crawford
51. Pablo Picatso

FISH

Fish Puns

1. I love fish puns! You could say I’m hooked.
2. Well, it’s o-fish-ial.
3. I’ve haddock with these shenanigans!
4. Will you rise to the bait?
5. Just like the tunafish sandwich said, I’ve got a reeling we’re not in cans anymore.
6. Get trout of here.
7. Sure, but fishing for compliments is never becoming.
8. Tuna in next time for the funniest animal memes.
9. Oh, for heavens hake!
10. Have you heard from Nemo? Maybe you should drop him a line.
11. It looks like we’re piranha roll now!
12. Have you thought of a fish pun yet, or do you need some time to mullet over?
13. You don’t have to be a brain sturgeon to come up with a fish pun.
14. What a load of pollocks!
15. Hoping to avoid turtle disaster.
16. Create your own fish pun, don’t leave it to salmon else.
17. Can you do any betta than this?
18. Are you trying to gillt me into thinking of a better pun?
19. Fish you were here.
20. This is going to get a-trout-cious real quick!
21. This is neither the time, nor the plaice for this.
22. My dad was a fisherman, but he quit because his net income wasn’t enough.
23. Stop carping on, you’re giving me a haddock.
24. Fish better have my money!
25. Salmon, call a doctor!
26. Best fishes on your anniversary!
27. If you’re going for roe-manance, then you’ll want to consider the caviar.
28. That fish is so classy and so-fish-ticated.
29. Keepin’ it reel.
30. Call me a pacifishts, but I don’t believe in war.
31. Cod this be any punnier?
32. You are a pain in the bass.
33. I would make him walk the plankton for that.
34. Shh, these puns are a seacret.
35. When jellyfish act catty, it’s only because they’re jelly.
36. Speaking of being jelly, tunas were really miffed about the whole salmon-el.
37. Perchance, is this seat taken?
38. You should try to use a different type of bait. It may just be more e-fish-cient.
39. I have haddock with all of these fish puns!
40. We will have to keep this fish in for lobservation.
41. That is turtley cool.
42. When I grow up, I want to a bass-tro-physicist.
43. That is a load of pollocks.
44. You can’t expect a squid to answer a tough questions without inking about it first.
45. If you think of more puns, just let minnow!
46. That’s the thing about squids…they ink too much.
47. That fish is rick and famous, but she’s still Jenny from the haddock.
48. Never fall in love with a blowfish. You’ll always get repuffed.
49. When your fish boss is watching, you’d better look e-fish-ent.
50. The thing about calamari is you can never tell when it’s just squidding.
51. You’re blushing like a catfish that’s just seen the bottom of the ocean.
52. When a fish meets the love of their life, they say they’ve “met the gill of my dreams”.
53. When another fish tries to make you think you’re crayzy, tell them to stop bass-lighting.
54. Crayfish were offended by the publication of Eat Cray Love because they felt the lack of punctuation might send the wrong message.
55. You are a reel legend.
56. The first book of the fish bible is called Creation.
57. You should have known betta.
58. Surfing the net is great, unless, of course, you’re a fish.
59. Isn’t it a bit misleading to call thinly sliced raw beef carpaccio?
60. Lobsters would get along a lot better with the other shellfish if they weren’t always trying to lobster things up.
61. Sea-riously, these puns are fintastic!
62. Caviar been here before?
63. Salmon, call 911!
64. Please, stop with those fishcious rumors.
65. We whaley need to be serious now.
66. Everyone deserves salmon special.
67. It’s funny how fish never seem to know what you’re talking aboat.
68. The thing salmons don’t like about tunas is everything’s a big seacret.
69. We really need to shellfish if we are going to make some money today.
70. Never try to talk to a fish before they’ve caffinated.
71. Fish children should piscine and not heard.
72. These days they let pretty much anyone o-fish-iate at weddings, as long as they have a certificate from the net.
73. If you think of a betta pun, be sure to drop us a line.
74. When another fish tries to make you think you’re crayzy, tell them to stop bass-lighting.
75. Let minnow if you need something.
76. I just saw two fish get into a fight, but I didn’t want to get finvolved.
77. Hey sister, shoal sister.
78. If you’re going for roemance, then you’ll want to consider the caviar.
79. Something tastes funny. That’d be the clownfish.
80. Seems a bit fishy to me.
81. Cod I have some more please?
82. He really schooled you then.
83. I’d make him walk the plankton for that.
84. Finland has the best fish jokes. Sea, they’re reelly trying!
85. I fish upon a star.
86. Not bad, cod do better…
87. Daddy’s little fincess.
88. We should dolphinitely scale back on the fish puns.
89. Any fin is possible, just don’t trout yourself!
90. Ah guys, you’re krilling me now!
91. We, the jury, find this site gillty of too many fish puns!
92. What’s this seafood restaurant you’ve been herring all about?
93. It’s a great opportunaty!
94. Never trust unlicensed puns- always check they’re ofishal.
95. I feel great every day of the week, barramundi.
96. Sorry, my attempt at a joke was a pile of carp.
97. You’re not quite up to scale.
98. I’m fin love with you!
99. Water you doing tonight?
100. Fish the shoe fits.
101. Get trout of here!
102. I wouldn’t be cod dead in that!
103. I’m waiting for someone else to mussel in on this now.
104. Who will be the sole survivor?
105. I really believe that to the bottom of my sole.
106. Salmon had to say it.
107. This is a big issue a-monk fishermen.
108. You betta believe it.
109. If you cross me I’ll make you feel my wrasse!
110. Fishcious rumors.
111. I don’t know how to tuna violin.
112. DJ’s aren’t allowed to work at fish markets because they’re always dropping the bass.
113. Cod you pass me the salt?
114. Stop being so shellfish. I want some fish too.
115. That is absolutely gilliant!
116. Most fish will tell you they like their food cold, and their bait a little worm.
117. Some people don’t like fish puns, but they are kraken me up!
118. We’re swimming along nicely.
119. I would clam every mountain to be by your side.
120. I’m hooked!
121. KELP! I need kelp! Salmon please kelp me!
122. The tunaverse is truly an amazing place!
123. Cod I borrow you for a few minutes?
124. I’ll bait these puns can’t go on for much longer.
125. Crab we talk it over?
126. I can’t believe I met you! I’m your biggest fin!
127. All I sea are bassically cod awful puns!
128. Snapper out of it!
129. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard plaice now!
130. A good fish pun is good for the sole.
131. You’ve met your nemosis.
132. You’re clearly a Dab hand at this.
133. Anyone else want to rise to the bait?
134. I’ve got a bad eeling about this…
135. This is most sardinely the best fish pun list ever!
136. You better not, or you’ll feel my wrasse!
137. Stay away from him, he seems fishy!
138. Don’t listen to them. I think you’re fintastic!
139. We all just need to clam down now, I’m a bit shell shocked.
140. He should walk the plankons for bad fish puns like those!
141. License to krill.
142. Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
143. I won’t be cod dead participating in this.
144. Turtley dude.
145. We whaley need to stop now!
146. Oh, you’re so so-fish-ticated!
147. Everyone deserves salmon special.
148. Good things come to those who bait.
149. That is enough fish puns, you need to tuna down.
150. Let’s all just clam down, shell we?!

Fish Jokes

1. How do seahorses move so quickly? They scallop.
2. What did one shark say to the other? There’s somefin special about you.
3. Where does a whales go for braces? To the orca-dontist.
4. Which fish will swim faster? Not sure, let’s plaice a bait!
5. Who’s always employee of the month at the balloon factory? The blowfish.
6. Why did the two fish have to “take it outside”? They were about to have a roe.
7. How does a fish know when the party’s over? Well, it’s obvious when it’s finished.
8. What did the dentist say to the anxious shark? Jaws relax.
9. Why did the fisherman stop playing violin? Because he was all out of tuna.
10. What’s the best way for a fish to get to Canada? Follow the “northern pike”.
11. Why was the shark angry about leaving the restaurant early? Because he couldn’t even finish his meal.
12. When you need a handyman, which fish do you call? The mantis shrimp because he has his own hammer and he’s always happy to use it.
13. Where can yo fin the down-and-out calamari? On squid row.
14. Why don’t you ever see fish on Facebook? Because they are scared of the net!
15. Where do fish come from? Finland!
16. What’s the one fish that 40 percent of all Americans are afraid of? Clownfish.
17. Why did one fish slap the other? To snapper out of it.
18. Which fish has the worst haircut? The mullet.
19. Why did the guppy get bad grades? Because it was below sea level.
20. What do you call a fish without any eyes? A fsh.
21. What did the fish say when it hit a wall? Dam.
22. Why do most people dislike anchovies? Because they’re a little fishy.
23. How many tuna does it take to screw in a light bulb? They don’t. They call an electric eel.
24. Betta stop with the fish puns. I’m going to krill myself with laughter.
25. What is a fishes favorite game? Salmon says.
26. Why do some fish live at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school.
27. Where do you put an argumentative fighting fish? It’s in de-beta-bowl.
28. What does the salmon always say at closing time? Time to lox up.
29. What is the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish.
30. What’s a fish’s favorite show? Tuna half men.
31. That fisherman is a very below-average boxer. All he can throw are hooks.
32. What’s the only right answer when a salmon asks you for a light? I didn’t know you smoked, salmon.
33. Why was the whale so sad? Because it was a blue whale.
34. Where do shrimp go when they are desperate for some cash? The prawn shop.
35. Why do oysters go to the gym? It’s good for mussel.
36. What country can every fish trace their roots back to? Finland.
37. If Marcia Brady were a fish, what would her most famous line be? Oh! Minnows!
38. How do you make a fish chuckle? Tell a whale of a tale.
39. What did the fish’s parents say when their guppy graduated from school? Out little gill is growing up.
40. What’s the clownfish’s biggest fear? That he’s not really all that finny.
41. Why isn’t the bachelor fish married? Because he has fintimacy issues.
42. What did the freshwater eel say to the salmon? I don’t sea your point.
43. What did the tuna say after the job interview? Thanks for the opportunaty.
44. How do you know when something is fishy in the state of Denmark? When Hamlet’s giving a speech that begins, “Tuna or not tuna, that is the question.”
45. What does the walleye say to let you know he didn’t appreciate your last remark? Walleye never been so insulted in my life.
46. Who make sure the ocean is clean and tidy? Mermaids.
47. Why is seafood healthy? It’s really good for your mussels.
48. Why did the fish break up with his gillfriend? He had no fin left to give.
49. What doesn’t the bass say when the tilefish seems confused? You’ve got that completely basswards.
50. When you visit your fish friends, what should you bring as a hospitality gift? Anything but crabs.
51. What do fish use when they are going deaf? A herring aid.
52. How do shellfish take photos? With a clamera.
53. What did the introverted snail wish for more than anything? That he could one day come out of his shell.
54. Why did the fish go on the bachelor? To meet the gill of his dreams.
55. How can you tell the blowfish has been working out? He gets to looking extremely puff.
56. Why is the cost of living so affordable for a bay scallop? They’re small, so they’re fin with living in an e-fish-ency.
57. Why is weighing a fish so simple? Because they come with their own scales.
58. When do fish stage an intervention for a friend? When they’re hit rockfish bottom.
59. Why did the fish get sick? It caught salmonella.
60. When is it time for a fish to go to an eye doctor? When they’re having trouble seaing.
61. How’s the calamari? Why, it’s ex-squid-sit, thank you.
62. What did you think of the series finale? Well, it wasn’t the bassed.
63. Who is the most famous fish spy? James Pond.
64. How do you reach out to a fish that you haven’t seen in a while? Just drop them a line!
65. What did the waiter say when the man complained his fish tasted funny? Did you or did you not order the clownfish?
66. What did the fish husband say to the fish wife when she asked him how she looked? You look fin honey, now stop fishing.
67. Where do fish sleep? In the riverbed.
68. A fish got caught by a fisherman. Now he’s in a boatload of trouble.
69. What’s it called when a fish can’t carry a tune? They’re tuna-deaf.
70. How can you tell the pufferfish had too much salt at dinner? He’s looking blowted.
71. What happens when a fish spends too much time on his computer? There’s a risk of carpal tunnel.
72. How do you get an octopus to giggle? Ten-tickles.
73. What did one fish lawyer say to the other? My client’s going to need a minnow to mullet over.
74. Where do shrimp go for cash in a pinch? To the prawn shop.
75. Why don’t fish like social media? Because of all the trawls.
76. Have you heard the fisherman’s anthem? Oh say can you sea by the dolphin fish bite…
77. What does telephone solicitor fish say when the person they’re calling picks up the phone? Cod I have a moment of your time?
78. Why do fish try to stay on the good side of their monarch? Well, otherwise they’d be royally scrod.
79. What did one fatty tuna say to the other? We’re in this together, toro and toro.
80. What does the fish say when it’s had it “up to here”? That was the last craw.
81. Why does it seem like there are never any job openings at the fish company? They’re scaling back.
82. What is a fish’s favorite pick up line? Your plaice, or mine?
83. What’s the fastest transportation in the ocean? A seahorse.
84. Who is the silliest of all fish? A dumb bass.
85. What is a fish’s worst day of the week? Fry day.
86. Did you hear about the newlywed goldfish? They are golden and swimming along nicely.
87. How much money does Gill Gates have? A gillion dollars.
88. What does the great white shark wear under his kill-t? Nothing because once he’s an adult, he’s no longer focused on the bottom.
89. How do fish with difficulty hearing communicate? Piscine language.
90. Did you hear about the fight in that restaurant? Four fish were battered!
91. How dome fish are so good at charity work? They are good at findraising!
92. Who is your favorite actor? Leonardio DeCarpio.
93. How do mussels take photos? With clameras.
94. Why did the fisherman leave his job at Wall Street? Because the stock market took a dive.
95. Which fish go to heaven? Angelfish.
96. Why did the fish get bad grades? Because it was below sea level.
97. Why did the little boy not eat his sushi? Because it looked too fishy.
98. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a fish? One is a scum-sucking scavenger and the other is just a fish.
99. If a fish got the main role in a movie, what would it be called? A starfish.
100. How does a school of fish keep up to date about sea life? They listen to the current news.
101. Why did the woman make tons of fish-eye soup? Because it will sea her through the week.
102. What swims in the sea, carries a gun, and makes you an offer you can’t refuse? The Rodfather.
103. How do you tuna fish? Adjust their scales.
104. How do you keep a fish from smelling? Chop of its nose.
105. Why did the fish blush? Because he saw the boats bottom.
106. Why did the teenage fish get told off in school? Because he was talking on his shell phone.
107. What did the fish say to his gillfriend? Your plaice or mine?
108. Did you hear about the illiterate fisherman? He was lost at C.
109. What happens when you mix a fish and a banker? A loan shark.
110. How do you make an octopus laugh? Give it tentickles.
111. Where did Noah keep all of the fish? In the multi-story carp ark.
112. How do tuna fish? Adjust their scales.
113. Why should you never fight an octopus? Because he’s too well armed.
114. What did the fish say when his relationship started to flounder? Halibut we chat about it?
115. What’s another name for a smelly fish? A stink ray.
116. Who took the baby octopus for ransom? Squidnappers!
117. Do you call a shark with no eye? Fishually impaired.
118. Why did the fish get detention? Because he was being too shellfish.
119. Why do sharks live in saltwater? Because pepper makes them sneeze.
120. What does a fish wear to keep warm? A shoal!
121. Why is a fisherman so stingy? Because his work made him sell-fish.
122. What did the roe-mantic fisherman want? A gillfriend.
123. Why are fish so smart? They live in schools.
124. Why did the fish blush? Because the sea-weed!
125. Why do fish swim in schools? Because they can’t walk.
126. What fish travels 100mph? A motor pike.
127. What’s the laziest fish in the world? A kipper.
128. Why did the shopkeeper through the clams out? They were past their shell-by-date.
129. Why will fish never take responsibility? Because it’s always salmon else’s fault.
130. Why is it so easy to weigh a fish? Because they have their own scales.
131. What type of fish did the Russia Tsar request for dinner? Tsardines.
132. What type of instrument do fish love to play? A bass drum.
133. Where do fish store their money? In a river bank.
134. Why did the shark cross the road? To get to the other tide.
135. Where do fish sleep? In their water beds.
136. Why did the fish start a charity? He was reely good at findraising.
137. Why don’t fish go into business together? They are always sole traders.
138. What makes fish terrible journalists? They always spread hake news.
139. What did the fish take to work? A breefcase.
140. Why do fish always lose their court cases? They are always gillty.
141. What type of music is best to listen to while fishing? Something cathcy!
142. Where do fish astronauts go? Into trouter space.
143. What did the fish say when everyone left his party? Tanks for coming!
144. Why are they called sperm whales? Because seamen discovered them.
145. Why can’t fish have romantic relationships? They are scared of intima-sea.
146. Why are fish so lucky? They seize every opportunaty.
147. What did Dorothy the fish say? There’s no plaice like home.
148. Why do fish companies never work? They always have to scale back.
149. How do you keep a fish from smelling? Chop off its nose.
150. Why do fish not go to war? Because they are pacifishts.

BIRDS

Bird Puns

1. Quack the case.
2. Crowing, crowing, gone.
3. Season’s tweetings.
4. Bird puns fly right over my head.
5. I have no egrets.
6. Going cheep.
7. Tweetie pie.
8. Crow away.
9. Going quackers.
10. You pelican, not pelican’t.
11. Let’s flamingle.
12. Watching nicks hatch is so eggs-sighting!
13. Better luck nest time.
14. Toucan play at this game.
15. That’s hawkward.
16. I hope you find our puns emu-sing.
17. Happy bird-day to you.
18. Caw me on my cellphone.
19. I’m feeling emu-tional.
20. Fly by the seat of your pants.
21. Fly in the face of the evidence.
22. A fly on the wall
23. Talk birdy to me.
24. Fly by night
25. Fly off the handle.
26. I bird you the first time.
27. You’re so tweet.
28. Fowl play.
29. Fly off the shelves.
30. I’m gonna cremu!
31. Here’s a toucan of my appreciation.
32. Poultry in motion.
33. It’s owl or nothing.
34. That’s unpleasant and hawkward.
35. I’m a little bit egg-centric.
36. Owl never give up.
37. Under the feather.
38. Happy bird-day to you.
39. A Velcro helps keep the crows in a flock.
40. We are not emu-sed.
41. Under the feather.
42. Own you need is love.
43. Eggs-citing.
44. Nice to tweet you.
45. Owl night long.
46. Stork raven mad.
47. Three shrikes and you’re out.
48. A heavy burden.
49. One fowl swoop.
50. You’re owl-some.
51. I’m hooting for you.
52. Wise quacks.
53. Like feather, like son.
54. A chirp off the old block.
55. Apocalypse Now.
56. Owl the King’s Men.
57. The Buzzard of Oz.
58. Lord of the Wings.
59. Puck to the Future.
60. Jurassic Squawk.
61. How I Pecked Your Mother.
62. Better Caw Saul.
63. The Wire.
64. Rook and Morty.
65. Pecks in the City.
66. I think you’re dove-ly.
67. Owl by myself.
68. Tweetheart.
69. A proper tweetment is the only solution for a sick bird’s great recovery.
70. Velcrow helps keep the crows in a flock.
71. Being a flight attendant would be the dream job for eagles and owl jays.
72. Every bird loves the chicken dance because it is poultry in motion.
73. My bird puns are so funny, people can’t stop raven about them.
74. If birds were to run the Church, the Cardinals would sure take the lead out there.
75. The owls had a birthday party the other night and it all sounded like a hoot.
76. Telling bird puns is usually harmless, but when you start mocking birds, things can quickly get unpleasant and hawkward.
77. I once saw a bird get so stork raven mad, he flew off the handle.

Bird Jokes

1. Why should you avoid buying a funny chicken? It may end up roasting you.
2. Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a very big bill.
3. What bird movie won an Oscar? Lord of the Wings.
4. What’s the best way to avoid getting bird flu? Getting emu-nized.
5. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they’d be called bay-gulls.
6. What does the turkey say when he’s using the computer? “Google google!”
7. What did the magician penguin say? “Pick a cod, any cod!”
8. Which bird roasts you? A mockingbird.
9. How do birds on a wire start a relationship? They meet online.
10. Why is it hard to tell deceased birds apart? They’re dead wingers.
11. What type of books do owls like? Hoot-dunnits.
12. What do you get when you cross an owl and an oyster? Pearls of wisdom.
13. My best friend was diagnosed with bird flu. He swears it was fowl plague.
14. What do you get when you cross a bird with a lawnmower? Shredded tweet.
15. What do you call a turkey that’s bad at bowling? A gutter ball turkey.
16. Why couldn’t anyone see the bird? Because it was in da skies.
17. What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.
18. What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark? A bird that bites your ear off.
19. Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud, then cross the road again? He was a dirty double crosser.
20. What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes? I hope I didn’t quack any!
21. What happened to the bird who was too big to fit in with the flock? He was ostrich-sized.
22. Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don’t know the words.
23. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
24. What did the police rooster do to the thieving chickens? He are-hen-ded them.
25. Where do you go if you want to swop birds? The stork exchange.
26. What kind of bird doesn’t need a comb? A bald eagle.
27. Why did the pelican need to borrow money after seeing the doctor? He had a massive bill.
28. Why did the rooster hang around the henhouse? To pick up chicks.
29. What do you call a bird who doesn’t spit? A swallow.
30. Why did the chicken and the egg go to bed? To see which came first.
31. Mozart sold all his chickens. He said they kept yelling ‘Bach Bach’ all the time.
32. Which birds are always depressed? Bluebirds.
33. What do you get if you kiss a bird? A peck on the cheek.
34. My friend tried to convince me that there’s a bird that can’t fly but can run faster than a human. But that sounds like a bit of strict, don’t you think?
35. Where do birds invest their money? In the stork market.
36. What type of bird works at a building site? A crane.
37. What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
38. What’s it called when it’s raining ducks and geese? Fowl weather.
39. What’s a parrot’s favorite game? Hide and speak.
40. How do you catch a unique bird? Unique up on it.
41. What did the gangster say to the parrot? We have ways of making you talk.
42. Why did the detective start bird-watching the chickens? He suspected fowl play.
43. Why do ducks go to bars? To wet their beaks.
44. What do you call an owl who’s all mixed up? Low.
45. What type of birds spend lots of time on their knees? Birds of prey.
46. What do you get it you kiss a bird? A peck on the cheek.
47. Someone’s been robin local banks lately. Will you help us quack the case?
48. Why don’t ducks like going to doctors? They’re a bunch of quacks.
49. Why did the chicken cross the playground? Because it wanted to get other slide.
50. What’s black and white and black and white and black and white? A penguin falling down the stairs.
51. What did the ill chicken say? I’ve got people-pox!
52. Why did the fly into the library? Because he was looking for bookworms.
53. Who is the one bird who doesn’t like tweeting? Mark Zuckerbird.
54. Did you hear about the man who stopped eating chicken? He went cold turkey.
55. Which bird makes you laugh? A comedi-hen.
56. Why did the rooster hang around the henhouse? To pick up chicks.
57. What kind of bird is the cleanest? Dove.
58. What is a female bird’s favorite thing to read? Cawsmopolitan.
59. Even during the hardest of times, the warrior bird says, “Owl not give up”.
60. When should you buy an exotic bird? When it goes cheep.
61. What’s it called when it’s raining ducks and geese? Fowl weather.
62. Which owl is known for being an escape artist? Hoo-dini.
63. Where do birds invest their money? In the stork market.
64. What did the little bird say when he forgot to revise for his test? “I’ll just wing it.”
65. What has webbed feet and fangs? Count Duckula.
66. Did you hear about the owl with no friends? He was owl by himself.
67. What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff.
68. How does a bird with a broken wing land safely? With its sparrow chute.
69. What’s a parrot’s favorite game? Hide and speak.
70. What do you call a party with only two crows? Attempted murder.
71. What bird film won an Oscar? Lord of the Wings.
72. Why didn’t the rooster watch movies with his family? He wasn’t into chick flicks.
73. Why did the bird get into trouble at school? Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
74. What type of maths do owls like? Owlgebra.
75. What’s the difference between a fly and a bird? A bird can fly, but a fly can’t bird.
76. What bird is an MMA fighter? Conure McGregor.
77. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede? A walkie talkie!
78. What do you call an elephant with a beak? A peck-drem.
79. What was the dad bird annoyed with his lazy chick? It wouldn’t leave the nest.
80. What kind of bird works underground? A Mynah bird.
81. Why did the crow refuse to go home from the nightclub? Because he was raven.
82. What do you name a synthetic parrot? PollyEster.
83. What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost.
84. Why do owls get invited to parties? Because they’re a hoot.
85. The vet said I have chirps. Good news-it is tweet-able.
86. Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole? He wanted to make a long-distance caw.
87. What do we call a bird that wins all spelling bees? Mr. Know it Owl.
88. Why do you call a funny parrot spoof? A parody.
89. Why are parrots not allowed in planes in the Middle East? They sometimes use fowl language.
90. What was the name of the movie again? “Breaking bird”?
91. Which movie had Duck Vader as its hero? Luke Skysquawker.
92. What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.
93. What are you doing keeping a sick bird in your house? Don’t you know that’s ill eagle?
94. Would you mind watching my pet parrot while I’m out, as long as it’s not too much of a birden?
95. Did you hear the one about the woodpecker who found some really firm bark? It was I’m-peck-able.
96. Why was Donald Jaybird Trump knocked off his perch? He tweeted too much.
97. Why didn’t Birdie Sanders become president? He was too left-wing.
98. Where do crows go for a drink? A crow bar.
99. What happened to the chickens after they got arrested? They became jail birds.
100. Why do Spanish ducks struggle in Lisbon? They can’t speak Portu-geese.
101. What does it sound like when the chickens make a noise? Clucking terrible.
102. What was the dad bird annoyed with his lazy chick? It wouldn’t leave the nest.
103. Once a bird became a comedian. He was called Jay Leno.
104. What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
105. How do chickens get strong? They do eggs-ercise.
106. What does a bird use if it has a bad wing? A sparrowchute.
107. Where do royal birds live? Duckingham Palace.
108. What do owls sing when it rains? Too wet to woo.
109. What did the ill chicken say? I’ve got people-pox!
110. Why did the bird fly into the library? Because he was looking for bookworms.
111. Where do ducks go when they are sick? To the duck-tor.
112. What’s bird’s favorite game? Beakaboo.
113. What bird can you buy at the grocery store? A kiwi.
114. Which bird is always out of breath? A puffin.
115. Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a very big bill.
116. What bird is helpful at mealtimes? A swallow.
117. What do you call a duck who’s always telling jokes? A wise quacker.
118. I heard a story about a bird that hides its head in the sand when it gets scared. It’s a bit of an ostrich.
119. What’s the difference between one parrot and two? One parrot can’t carry a coconut, but toucan.
120. I was going to save you a fish. But you weren’t heron time.
121. They were raven about their influence on Facebook. It was a lie!
122. What did the bluebird say to her boyfriend? I have been thinking about you the owl time.
123. She went to the market to get soap but was disappointed that the shop owners no longer stock dove.
124. Turkeys are terrible batters- they always hit fowl balls, and keep getting tagged out at first baste!
125. There are a couple of ducks in my office who never get any work done and are always causing mischief. It’s gotten so bad, I overheard the boss say something about “firequackers.”
126. These corny bird puns might have made you groan…but I have no egrets.
127. Did you hear about the grumpy owl with an upset stomach? He had irritable owl syndrome.
128. What do you call a parrot that flew away? A polygon.
129. What do you call an owl who’s all mixed up? Low.
130. Why did the turkey lie down in the roasting pan pour butter over itself? It was self-basting.
131. What does a cat call a hummingbird? Fast food.
132. What has webbed feet and fangs? Count Duckula.
133. If you happen to get a crate of ducks, you will be lucky to call them a box of quackers.
134. What do chickens do on sunny afternoons? They have peck-nics.
135. What sport do hawks like? Hawkey.
136. Why didn’t the goose believe everything she heard? It was all propa-gander.
137. What do you say when a rude bird is irritating you? Go pluck yourself.
138. Geese what? I am a millionaire now.
139. What do you call a parrot that won’t eat? A Polly-no-meal.
140. What did the pigeon say after its friend landed a sick flip? Coo.
141. Why did the Pigeon cross the road? To prove that he is not a chicken.
142. What do you call a young bird after he publishes his first book? A fledgling author.
143. What do you call a sarcastic turkey? A smirky turkey.
144. Did you hear about the man who stopped eating chicken? He went cold turkey.
145. What do you call a dry parrot? Polyunsaturated.
146. What name do we give to an always sad bird? A Bluebird.
147. Which bird always gets a first place? A peng-win.
148. Why do owls get invited to parties? Because they’re a hoot.
149. Excuse me, could you please sparrow me some change?
150. It was so cold, the eagle was forced to say “Birrrrrd”.
151. I’m not amused at this ostrich joke!
152. One needs to be careful with the robber ducks in the soap isle. They’ll steal half of everything!
153. A baby bird will follow his dad. Birds also follow the “like feather, like son” tradition.
154. If there was a movie about a green woodpecker, it would be named “Woody, The Wood Pickle”.

HORSES

Horse Puns

1. Maybe she’s barn with it…Maybe it’s neighbelline.
2. Hoses only ever have one hospital where they can go to have babies. It’s in Philly.
3. Rein it in with the gossip! you’ll stirrup trouble.
4. Let’s skip the opening act. I only care to see the mane event.
5. To be or not to be…That is the equestrian.
6. Come on kid…Quit foaling around!
7. My brother woke up late and was running late for work, so I told him to hoof it!
8. The only disease that most horses are scared of it Hay fever!
9. A lion decided to become a horse. So decided to name himself Stal-lion.
10. Just got paid? It’s nice to be financially stable.
11. Scratchy throat? You sound a little hoarse.
12. Can I ask you equestrian? Neigh.
13. After visiting the bathroom, the winged horse used the pegaflushes!
14. My friend is half horse…And always the centaur of attention.
15. My horse is nocturnal…A true night-mare!
16. Jockeys are often considered to be clouds as they hold the reins!
17. The only horse which will never lose a bet is Sherbet!
18. Just before the race, the young horse was extremely charged up as it ate a little bit of haywire!
19. Ponies are wonderful hosts as they have amazing horse-pitality!
20. Go to bed! It’s pasture bedtime!
21. I heard you have a new boyfriend. He’s my mane man! My ride-or-die!
22. My horse is in the hospital…But good news! He’s stable!
23. I was riding my horse whose ropes were painted every color. I named it rein-bow.
24. Princess Elsa never really feared any horses. Probably because the colt never bothered her anyway.
25. There was a joust, but the horse missed it as he had the knight off!
26. The good horse has always maintained a good shape as he had a stable diet!
27. Horses only ever go to one place to cut and get their hair done. They all go to Maine.

Horse Jokes

1. Why did the farmer give his pony a cough drop? Its throat was a little hoarse.
2. Why did the little pony wake up scared? It had a night-mare!
3. Where do newlywed horses stay after their wedding? In the bridle suite!
4. Our neighbor has a horse named Mayo, and well, Mayo neighs a lot.
5. What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor.
6. What’s a horse’s favorite football team? The Broncos.
7. Did you hear what happened at the racetrack yesterday? One horse was so slow, they had to pay the jockey overtime.
8. This one horse always has a bad attitude. She keeps saying, “Neigh”.
9. Who do ponies call when they’re possessed by demons? An ex-horse-ist!
10. You’ll never find a horse using an Android phone. They only like Apple’s.
11. I bought a hose on the spur of the moment. It was a bad decision, and now I am saddled with tons and tons of responsibilities.
12. What did the mare say to her foal? It’s pasture bedtime.
13. Why did the horse run away in the middle of its wedding? It got colt feet!
14. What kind of medicine do you give a sick horse? Cough stirrup.
15. That horse is so spontaneous. It always does things in the spur of the moment.
16. Why did the horse cross the road? Because somebody shouted hay!
17. What do you call a horse that’s not wearing a saddle? Neigh-ked!
18. When does a horse talk? Whinny wants to.
19. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asked him, “Why the long face?”
20. What’s the quickest way to send a horse mail? Using the Pony Express.
21. What did the horse say after it fell over? Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy-up!
22. Why is it so hard to carry on a conversation with racehorses? They don’t stand around furlong!
23. What street do horses live on? Mane Street.
24. What do you call a well-balanced horse? Stable.
25. What do you say to a horse after it loses a bet? Pony up!
26. What’s the difference between horses and zebras? Zebras are just horse that have escaped from prison.How do you get a jockey to wait a moment? Tell him to hold his horses!
27. Why was the horse feeling so stressed? It was saddled with responsibility!
28. Where do horse get their hair done? At the hair saloon.
29. Horses are avid readers of books by J.K. Rowling. Their favorite book is Harry Trotter and the Hoofblood Prince.
30. Do you know why horse stalls at the racetrack are labelled A,B,D,E, and F? Because no one wants to bet on a seahorse.
31. What song makes a horse want to get up and dance? Watch me whip…watch me night, neigh!
32. Look at that horse’s new boyfriend. He’s such a stud!
33. How do horses cast their vote? By saying yay or neigh!
34. Where do horses love to shop? Only Neigh-vy.
35. What do horses see right before it thunders? Lightning colts!
36. What do you call a horse that’s a world traveler? A globe-trotter!
37. There’s only one time vampires like watching a horse race. When it’s neck and neck.
38. What’s a racehorse’s favorite thing to eat? Fast food.

REPTILES

Reptile Puns

1. Iguana be your valentine.
2. That anole is such a good singer, you could say she is a rap-tile star.
3. Iguana be like you, shoo-be-doo.
4. I turtley love you!
5. Lizards don’t like many styles of music, they just listen to rap-tiles and hip hop.
6. Iguana wish you a Merry Christmas.
7. There’s a new name for lizards from Japan, they are called Kimono Dragons.
8. Shall we go out tonight, there’s a stand-up chameleon playing in town.
9. If you think you’re so funny, why not become a chameleon.
10. That lizard is repeating itself so much, you can hear the geck-ho.
11. The weather forecast doesn’t look good, there’s a b-lizard warning.
12. Shopping malls love lizards, they spend a lot of time shopping in re-tail stores for new tails.
13. Thank you, you really are one in a chameleon.
14. Lizards are big fans of theme park rides, they always say can we iguana on that again.
15. This movie was good from the get-ko, I’ll definitely watch it again.
16. I’ve found a really cool craft project I’d like to make, can we go and get some cal-gecko.
17. It didn’t take us very long to learn all about lizards, we had it from the gec-ko.
18. When we next decorate, art-gecko would be a good theme.
19. Two reptiles were out in the winter cold looking for dinner, one said to the other, it’s snow fun being stuck in this b-lizard.
20. An iguanas favorite game is a scale-lextric.
21. I’m so excited about this holiday, let’s gec-ko.
22. Like turtley, dude!
23. I really like this top mom, but what do you skink?
24. It’s nice to meet you, I skink you’re great.
25. A group of lizards hadn’t washed for days, can you imagine the skink!
26. You may not think it, but I’ve got you all lizard out.
27. A retiles favorite DVD has always been the Lizard Of Oz.
28. When anoles play scrabble, they use rep-tiles.
29. What they said is turtley true.
30. I wanted to write a really long lizard joke, but I didn’t want it to dragon.
31. Simba and Pascal decided to try transfiguration on themselves, they transfigure into The Lizard King.
32. I can’t tell you why I went to see the principal. It was a purse-anole matter.

Reptile Jokes

1. Did you hear about eh lizard that sold kitchens? He was a rep-tile.
2. How can you tell how much a reptile weighs? You look at the scales.
3. The local reptile show had to delay on account of misbehaving lizards. They had a severe case of a reptile dysfunction.
4. Never get into a conversation with a flying reptile. Their conversations always dragon for way too long.
5. Have you heard the story about the rich lizard? He’s a cha-meleon-aire.
6. Did you hear about the lizard that went to McDonald’s? He ordered French-flies with his cheeseburger.
7. What do you call a weather forecaster in Winter? A monitor-b-lizard.
8. Did you hear about the lizard with a prefect badge? He was every inch a hall-monitor.
9. What do the ancient reptiles call their housework? Dino-chores.
10. What do you call a reptile who makes financially wise decisions? An invest-igator.
11. What reptile uses the phone a lot? Croco-dial.
12. Did you hear about the lizard that liked to meditate? He was a calmer, calmer, calmer, calm-eleon.
13. What about the lizard that’s a genius at quizzes? He should go on ‘Who Wants To Be A Chameleon-aire.’
14. Hagrid’s famous words when he first meets the boy wizard, “Yeh a lizard Harry!”
15. What kind of reptile do you bring on an expedition? A navi-gator!
16. What do you call an accusatory reptile? An allegator.
17. Which prehistoric reptile had the best manners? The Please-iosaur.
18. What do you call a mathematical reptile? A calculator.
19. What kind of reptile to math teachers keep as pets? Pi-thons.
20. Have you ever seen a lizard lose its tail? It’s very de-tailed.
21. What do you call a funny reptile? A stand up chameleon.
22. What do you call it when a scary reptile robs a drink shop? A gator raid.

How To Write Your Own Pun

Trying to write your own puns?

All you need to do is say a pet word like paw, feather, fur, cat, dog, bird, horse, reptile, or scale over and over a few times. Listen and try to think of other words they sound like.

Now, you can write a pun like, “I’m pawfully glad to see you!”

Have fun writing amazing pet puns!

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Last Thoughts:

I hope you like these puns and jokes as much as I do! Let me know what you think in the comments.

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