175 Funny Golf Puns And Jokes For Tee Time (2024)

Looking for funny golf puns and jokes? You’ve come to the right place! These hilarious will have you begging fore more.

Are you a golf lover? Are you trying to impress someone while golfing at a golf tournament? Or do you just want to make fun of golfers?

No matter what you’re looking fore, I’ve got you! These are the best golf puns and jokes you can find. There’s a hole lotta jokes I know you’re here fore!

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A closeup of a white golf ball on a white tee.

Table of Contents

Golf Puns

Here are the best golf puns!

I like big putts and I cannot lie.
Golf forth, and prosper.
Careful there, putter fingers.
A land par, par away.
You are my cup of tee.
Nice shot, shankapotamus.
I golf you on my mind.
You drive me crazy.
If you golf on election day, make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot.
Who’s your caddy?
Address the ball. Hello, ball!
Gonna catch me riding birdie.
Putter late then never.
You’re the best, by par.
Kiss my putt.
May the course be with you.
I’m not really that bad at putting, I just can’t catch a break.
Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
Un-fore-gettable, in every way.
You are tee-riffic.
Down putt not out.
Swingin’ in the rain.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
Everybody trap your hands.
Green and bear it.
Good times as par as the eye can see.
Let’s get this par-tee started.
Having a rough time.
Green there, done that.
To tee or not to tee.
Golf forth and prosper.
No ifs, ands, or puts.
Stop leering at my putt.
Over the hills and fore away.
This is all fore the best.
Let it tee.
This is all fore the best.
Catch me riding birdie.
It’s ball or nothing.
Care fore a spot of tee?
Fore-get me nots.
Asking fore a friend.
Stay humble and put your eagle aside.
A chip off the old block.
What a load of trap.

A shot of someone putting a golf ball a few inches away from the hole.

Golf Jokes

Here is the best list of golf jokes!

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To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players!
The difference between a whiff and a practice swing- no one curses after a practice swing.
You should always try before you buy, especially when buying a putter. Never buy a putter until you’ve seen how well you can throw it.
The higher the handicap of the golfer, the more likely it is that he’l be telling you what you should be doing to fix your game.
An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it’s always possible to get worse.
Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early.
There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly….or start cheating.
Golf bings out the 3 year old in us- we struggle to count past 5.
Golf balls are like eggs. They’re both white, sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to go out and buy more.
What do golfers do on their days off? Putter around.
Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play other sports.
Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? Clubbing!
I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s game: It’s called an eraser.
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course.
You’ve just got one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you’ve hit it.
We learn so many things from gold- how to suffer for instance.
If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.
If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play at it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.
Golf is a game in which you yell four, shoot six, and write down five.
Pressure is when you play $5 a hole with only $2 in your pocket.
The income tax has made ore liars out of the American people than golf has.
Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf.
Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced.
If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
Why do golfers always carry a spare pair of trousers with them? In case they get a hole in one.
If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.
They only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie.
I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I’ve played the game for 40 years and I still haven’t the slightest idea how to play.
I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.
This guy spends more time in the sand than David Hassellhoff.
Golf tips are like aspirin. One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle you will be lucky to survive.
It’s alive, this swing, a living sculpture! And down through contact, always down, striking the ball crisply, with character. A tuning fork goes off in your heart and your balls.
I play golf with friends sometimes, but there are never friendly games.
If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.
In golf, you can hit a 2-acre fairway 10 percent of the time, but hit a 2 inch branch 90 percent of the time.
The game of golf is 90 percent mental and 10 percent mental.
Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf. Caddie: Oh, he’s played with you, too, eh?
A good golf partner is one who’s always a little bit worse than you are.
A “gimme” can best be defined asn an agreement between two golfers…neither of whom can putt very well.
Real golfers have two handicaps: one for bragging’ and one for bettin’.
Real golfers don’t cry when they line up their fourth putt.
Golfer: Please stop checking your watch all the time, it’s distracting! Caddie: This isn’t a watch, ma’am, it’a a compass.
What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes, “WHACK… Dang! A bad Skydiver goes “Dang…WHACK!”
How’s golf like fishing? Both mysteriously encourage exaggeration.
I’ve seen better swings on a porch.
Golf is a lot like taxes. You go for the green and come out in the hold.
That was a really good shot……………………….for you!!
Golf is an odd game! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. and on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.
What are the four worst words you could hear during a game of golf? “It’s still your turn!”
It takes a serious amount of balls to golf like I do.
What does a golfer like to hear from his wife? “Talk birdie to me.”
Where do ghouls and ghosts play their golf? On a golf corpse.
Why was Cinderella such a terrible golfer? Her coach was a pumpkin.
Golf: A seven-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments.
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh.
The worst day on the course is better than your best day in the office.
What did you get on your last hole? Depressed!
Golfer: That can’t be my ball, it looks too old. Caddie: It’s been a long time since we started.
What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? “May the ‘Fores’ be with you!”
“My doctor told me I can’t play golf.” “Oh, when did he play with you.”
What’s the difference between the g-spot and golf ball? A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball.
Why do golf announcers whisper? Because they don’t want to wake up the audience.
I play in the low 80s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.
What do you call a wizard that can turn himself into a golf club? Harry Putter.
Golf: A 5 mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
If your opponent can’t remember if he shot a six or a seven on a hole, chances are he had an eight on it.
In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft. Today, in civilized society, it’s called golf.
Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.
What’s one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? Go back in time and start playing at a younger age.
Why didn’t the golfer finish his homework? He couldn’t stop puttzing around.
The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards.
What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? “Tryna catch me riding’ birdie!”
Why don’t grasshoppers play golf? They like cricket better.
Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? All the fans are gone!
My wife said I play so much golf it’s driving a wedge between us.
I came home to the wife in lingerie…She said I could tie her up and do whatever I wanted. So I tied her to the chair and went to the driving range.
Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? All of them….the flag can’t jump…
I old my buddy I got a new set of clubs for my wife. He said, “Sounds like a good trade!”
Why are computers such naturally good golfers? They have a hard drive.
Why do golfers hate cake? Because they might get a slice.
The problem with your game is your loft. My loft? Lack Of Freaking Talent.
Golfer: Hey do you know where they are building that new Walmart? Buddy: No, where? Golfer: Between my drive and yours.
I’m not over the hill. I’m just on the back nine.
Golfers aren’t happy unless they’re teed off!
Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won’t work…and both are expensive.
If you golf on election day, be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.
What did the golfer say to the hip-hop dancer? Every day I’m Schauffele.
How do you know a golf player is cheating on his wife? He always puts his driver in the wrong bag.
What do you call a lion playing golf? Roarin’ Mcllroy.
Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course? He was perfecting his swing.
I hate golf course with too many trees, I go to great links to avoid them.
Did you hear that Subway is opening a mini-golf course at some of their restaurants? I trie dit out, but it wan’t very good. It was sub-par.
When golfers make golf jokes- Are they just meta-forces?
Who’s the best person at the golf course to get to make coffee? The groundskeeper!
How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb? FORE!
I’m not a bad putter, I just can’t catch a break.
Why type of golf game did the fur traders play in the old days? A skins match.
If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or seven, it means he probably shot an eight.
Golfer A: I played World War II golf- out in 39 and home in 45. Golfer BB: I played Civil War golf- out in 61 and home in 65.
Bad? I’ll tell you how bad he is. In his bag he carries flares, a compass and emergency rations.
The way he plays they should put the flags on the greens at half-mast.
Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? He was perfecting his swing.
It seems to me that at times the hardest thing about golf is being allowed out of the house to play it.
Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players!
When is it too wet to play golf? When your golf cart capsizes.
It’s a strange world isn’t it? You hire someone to mow your lawn, so that you’ll have time to play golf for the exercise.
He’s too fat to play. If he places the ball where he can hit it, he can’t see it. If he places it where he can see it, he can’t hit it.

A closerup of a white ball on a wooden tee about to be hit.

Golf Knock, Knock Jokes

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wendy. Wendy who? Wendy ball retriever needs a new grip, you should give up golf.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harvey. Harvey who? Harvey gonna take 6 hours for this round- take your shot!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? I’d cry too, if I played golf like you.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Andy. Andy who? Andy to have a water golf ball retriever for the round with you!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Amy. Amy who? Amy for the fairway-not the woods.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Noah. Noah who? Noah golf pro who can fix your swing?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dozen. Dozen who? Dozen’t anyone repair their divots anymore?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Annie. Annie who? Annie one know how many branches your golf ball hit as it entered the woods?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tahiti. Tahiti who? Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wanda. Wanda who? Wanda how deep your ball is in the lake.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Canoe. Canoe who? Canoe hit one straight this time?

Golf Pick-Up Lines

I’m still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing.
Are you sure you aren’t all four majors? Because you’d be a grand slam!
How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome?
Are you looking for the fairway? Because coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go.
Your putt looks great in those greens.